Just a quick note to say I’m sorry if my first two posts in my return to blogging were repetitive, bitchy and woe is me.
I am happy. And, I’d like to think, a nice person. And ever so grateful for what I do have, which is A LOT.
Sorry for the poopheadedness.
It’s amazing to think how long it took for us to reach parenthood and how quickly our first year as mommy and daddy went…
I still have a hard time believing O turned one on Friday. I wish time would slow down just a little, I want a little more time to drink him in. From crawling to babbling to walking every stage has been my favorite. I am sure that will continue to hold true. Or, at least, until he becomes a rotten teenager. Hee.
Everyone asked what to get him for his birthday. I wanted to say a sibling. O loves other kids. Especially kids that are his sized or bigger. It is sooo sweet but it makes me get that sinking sadness about trying to get pregnant.
And we could just go the DIY route. We could. But that’s not why we decided to go the IVF route in the first place. When we started thinking years ago, it was first a matter of seeing if we could even identify my hubby’s mutation within his DNA that causes OI. If we weren’t able to, we would have then taken the 50-50 odds and tried for a homemade baby. But they found the mutation. And we could move on to IVF with PGD and prevent our child from having the disease. And it was a success. O is healthy. He doesn’t have OI. He won’t break 18 bones like daddy.
I try to remember that. I look at the pictures of my husband in a full body cast at 18 months. I can’t imagine going through that or the pain O would endure.
I know we did the right thing. I know we are doing the right thing. But it still sucks when I think about saving up the money to do a FET with our two (only 2!) healthy embryos when other couples just hop into bed and, voila, a healthy baby. No injections, no thousands of dollars…
I shouldn’t complain. I’m blessed to have my husband and my son. But it’s human nature. Or at least my bitchy nature to covet what I don’t have. I just wish they’d come up with a way to test his sperm and we could do an IUI.
Baby on the brain.
Is it because O is no longer that little baby? My best friend and neighbor are due in June? My co-worker starting her first shot of Lupron last night? (Yeah, my office of 7 has two of us at CCRM…) I don’t know. I’m excited and happy for them all in these various stages but I wish I could be a little closer to knowing when we can start working toward baby number two, when I could be in an actual stage.
Oh, enough bitching. I didn’t start blogging again to just be a big snatch and complain about being lucky to have the husband and baby I do. But this online world is so good at being so supportive of me, bitching or not. Thanks.
I figured after yesterday’s meeting of the Colorado Bloggers, I should actually blog.
It’s hard to believe that Friday, Mr. O will be a year old. I don’t know where the time has gone. My little baby has gone from just a squish to a walking babbling little boy with a headful of shockingly orange hair. I wish I could have slowed down time to enjoy each moment, to remember every day and every detail with him. It also makes me want to have another one sooner than later…
As for when that try at a sibling will come? Maybe when we win the lottery? I just hate the fact that expanding our family comes down to a matter of dollars and cents. I also am a little scared. Our last time with a FET ended with a blighted ovum. And I don’t EVER want to repeat that experience from going in excited about an ultrasound to leaving in tears knowing there only is an empty sac. Plus, we only have two frozen healthy non-OI embies. I don’t want to think about having to do the fresh thing again and doing the genetic testing all over again. Uggh.
Did I mention that in October I hit the magic advanced maternal age benchmark too? Or my best friend and neighbor are both due in June with their second babies?
Damn that clock’s ticking.
Most of all though, it is when I see O sitting on the floor reading a book upside down, hearing him laugh at the dog running around, getting his sweet hugs and slobbery kisses, how he loves to play with other kids, hearing my hubby and him talk and play that makes me want to have another one.
But I can’t complain if O is our only. I’ve never been happier.
I don’t think you want to read another, albeit infrequent, post about how I am such a bad blogger.
But I think I discovered that just like all my diaries I wrote in during my youth, I write more when I have angst, worry, etc. Not when I am happy. It is that cathartic writing thing. And it’s not like I don’t still worry about money or my husband’s job security. But underlying it all, I am happy. Every time I see my little man, such a sense of contentment comes over me. And he is at such a wonderfully, squishy age of 6 months. I just want time to stand still, or not move quite so fast.
As for O, he is over 20 pounds now. I know. He’s huge. Next week is his 6-month appointment, so I’ll know the specifics then. But he is adorable. And his hair only seems to be looking more red like mama’s everyday.
He is a chatty little boy, talking at everything. Currently, he is saying da da da. Not specifically in reference to Daddy. But I correct him and tell him to say ma ma ma. He is enthralled by Molly. He loves her. She likes to lick his face but runs away when he grabs her (and usually a handful of her hair).
And I am so afraid that crawling is coming soon. He can sit up on his own with the occasional falling forward onto our face or the listing backward or to one side. He loves sitting like a big boy but he also is all about scootching on the floor. Going backward, of course, and in a circle. He hasn’t quite got the concept of getting up on his knees and rocking back and forth to propel himself forward but it’s coming. His most favorite thing is being able to stand and bounce in the exersaucer or be free in the Baby Bjorn, kicking his legs. Although, my monkey is getting too heavy for that. 
Anyway, all is well here. I am happy. He is healthy. What more can I ask for?
I will try to update more frequently, if any of you out there care. Or just ask and I’ll add you on facebook, I update there more frequently. And twitter? I don’t really get it but I’m there too.
Love to all.
Even though I am a bad blogger, I wanted to share the news we got this week in a somewhat timely fashion.
After everything we went through to get to today, the results of genetic testing on Mr. O proved we made the right choice. He doesn’t have OI!
When I got the call, I saw on the caller ID who it was and I got those butterflies in my stomach. Like the ones when the RE office would call.
But it is all good, he doesn’t have the disease. Now, I know the lab guarantees like 92 percent accuracy. But, still, I wanted to be sure. And after cheek-swabbing a four-month-old, which was not fun by the way, two weeks later we got the word.
And aside from us, I think my in-laws were the next happiest people.
I am still in awe. It worked. I’m a mom. My hubby’s a dad. It doesn’t seem real but then I can’t imagine life without him.
Wishing everyone all the best. I’m still reading. Trying to comment and barely, obviously, trying to blog.
