Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.

Last night after work, I went to the grocery store to buy a pack (is that what it’s called?) of pads and suddenly I felt like my 13-year-old self, who for the life of her couldn’t figure how a tampon worked. It’s good to be back in the land of the impenetrable vaginas. Or not. At least my hubby is understanding, teasing me about wearing “diapers.”

For whatever reason, I remembered thinking of Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret. And how back in the day girls had to wear a belt to hook onto the pad to have it stay where it supposed to. So it could be worse, I could be wearing a fashionable belt apparatus thing to hold my sanitary napkin in place…

I finally told my sister about the LEEP procedure yesterday, however. I don’t know why I feel such shame in talking about it. Maybe because I assume its my fault for my “looser” college days or that I have this expectation that everyone is waiting with baited breath about us getting pregnant. Or that we get asked all the time about when we are getting pregnant, always a fun, long-drawn conversation that ends with me asking them to pay for IVF.  Yet it felt a little better to share. And really, I don’t know why I am embarrassed. I just am hopeful now the pathology report comes back good and I’m not dying. I don’t want to tell my sister that, who will blab to my mom about it. My mom has enough drama without me dying… 

Yeah, a bit dramatic, I know but I think I have to obsess about my reproductive organs because obsessing about work isn’t as fun. And I have three months to wait until I get to freak out about injecting myself with drugs. Then the super neurotic me will appear. I can’t wait!

Oh, and rereading my inaugural post yesterday I was amazed at how I compartmentalized our more than year-long odyssey into a couple of paragraphs. It really doesn’t put to words my frustration, fears, tears and anger I’ve experienced. Maybe it’s a sign I’m growing and moving forward. Or that I’m just lazy…


One Response to “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.”

  1. 2weeks2much Says:

    I just had to comment on your answer to people who ask when you are having a baby…ask them to pay for IVF! Brilliant. I am officially stealing that from you!

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