Is being a bitch bad?

In an effort to expand myself during my reproductive holding pattern, I am opting to start this quest of personal growth, self-discovery or something to prove myself as not such a bitch.

But then is being a bitch such a bad thing?

I don’t mean to ask a question in such a Carrie Bradshaw manner but really, is being a bitch bad?

Forget about the misogynistic society of ours where there is no male equivalent to bitch, slut, whore or mistress, for example, and the overwhelming propensity to try and label every one of us. But the actual word, bitch.

bitch (bĭch) noun

  • A female canine animal, especially a dog.
  • A malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, esp. a woman.
  • A lewd woman.
  • Anything difficult or unpleasant.
  • Anything memorable, esp. something exceptionally good.
  • A complaint.

I am a bitch. Not always. But sometimes. I can be unpleasant. I can be malicious.

And I know I am selfish. This journey toward motherhood has proven that. I feel massive amounts of guilt in my selfishness of trying to conceive a biological baby without my hubby’s genetic mutation. My partner in life is an incredible human being, who has not allowed his disease to define him but, rather, it’s merely just another facet to him.

I feel guilt in knowing I can be denying this world someone like him because of my desire not to watch my child suffer through OI. I feel selfish and ashamed at the anger and hurt I feel when people suggest we look for a sperm donor or adoption.

Our path toward parentage has been a bitch too – difficult and memorable. We chose it though. And for whatever reason, there are tons of bumps along the way. I assume there is a reason but maybe not. It’s just the way it is. Life is a bitch.

And maybe that’s ok.

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