Where are my drugs?

It has arrived. My best friend’s special order crib manufactured by the same company and in the same style as the dresser in the baby’s room, her bed, their nightstands, their dresser and the armoire in the family room.

Aside from the fact I think having every piece of furniture in a house in the same wood color and style is overkill, it’s really cute. I’ve seen photos. I’ve yet to go over there, however.

It makes it real. She’s having a little one.

And I’m not. And that’s okay.

I know, all my *avid* readers are like did Jen just type that? Is she actually okay with her BFF being pregnant and her not?

It hit me this weekend, while my sister and I were talking, I have no choice. I have to be. She’s pregnant, I’m not. Nothing I can say or do right now will change that pregnant/nonpregnant status. I know, not really a shocker or anything, but a revelation for me nonetheless. Yes, our first borns won’t be in the same grade together. Yes, she can start all her sentences in talking to me with, “When I was pregnant…” Yes, she “beat” me to getting knocked up.

But does it really matter? All I want is a healthy child. And if I am three months behind the schedule I had in mind, so be it. I’ve got to stop looking at all the miniscule details and look toward the bigger picture – parenthood. It will happen for us (you hear that universe?!) just maybe not on this perfectly planned schedule I had in mind.

And I’m trying to be okay with it. I am sure as I go forward planning her shower there will be tears over my barren womb and all. But I have to remember the big picture. My hubby and I will be parents. That’s what matters, not being the first of her and I. Who cares?

This isn’t about me, it’s about having healthy children. That’s what’s important. And that makes it okay.

I just hope I get over this sooner than later so all my posts aren’t all these “It’s okay” boredom fests. Or that you all think I need to go on some uppers to pep me up. I just don’t want to be perpetually jealous of those with children or feeling incomplete until I have one.


2 Responses to “Where are my drugs?”

  1. Mary Ellen and Steve Says:

    Good for you Jen. I have a really hard time controlling my baby envy. I think that mine has gotten worse as our journey through infertility has progressed. I hope that you get your meds soon!

  2. Nicole Says:

    As an avid reader, I’m very inspired by today’s posting. I’m very proud of you! All you can do is control what you can control – and in this waiting period, what you can control are your thoughts and your attitude. You go girl!!!

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