So much for manners

I’d like to believe I was raised with good manners.

As children, we were taught to wait for everyone to be seated before we started eating, place our napkin on our lap when we sat down to the table, how to properly cut with a knife and fork, ask to be excused from the table, when calling a friend on the phone to ask, “May I speak with so and so?”, say please and thank you profusely, etc.

So, why is it that I’m super upset with my family and their manners yesterday? Specifically, why am I upset that no one asked when we were going to have babies?

It always is that uncomfortable question when a not-so-close coworker, an advertiser, a source for news asks. But my family? It is still that uncomfortable question to answer but it would make me feel like they are interested in our life. As a married couple. And I know I am searching for acceptance from them.

I didn’t marry a rich man. I married a long-haired metal head (thank God, it’s been cut off), who took 10 years to get through college. But I married a man who understands me. Who loves me. Who is equally obsessed about sports as I am. Who sometimes acts like a retard or says the wrong thing at formal family functions. But he’s mine. I’m his. And he’s not going anywhere.

We dated for an inordinate amount of time before we were engaged (five years) and yet in all our years of dating, never a question from either side of my family was asked about when we were going to get married. Part of me thinks they were too polite to ask me – I’ve always been an independent, misunderstood private sort – the other; I think they didn’t want me to marry him.

And like it did then, it bothers me now that I want their acceptance and approval.

Yet I have only really explained the details of PGD, IVF and everything that is involved to my mom. How can I expect the rest of my family to ask when they know nothing of what is going on? How can I be mad at them when my mom isn’t gossiping because she doesn’t want my grandparents to worry about the fate of my womb? How can I be mad at them for respecting the privacy that for years I have sheltered myself with?

At least, it’s great to know on what side of the plate my fork goes…

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3 Responses to “So much for manners”

  1. Mary Ellen Says:

    My goodness Jen. I dread that question, and avoid it like the plague when it comes up. Maybe it is just because I am jaded because of our IVF history.

    It makes sense that you want them to take an interest. Maybe you could give them an idea of what you are going through, and then maybe they will start to take an interest. I hope that you had a wonderful Easter my dear! Sending you a hug.

  2. Adrienne Says:

    You’re mad because it feels as if they don’t care if they don’t ask. Maybe if you tell your mom that you want her to ask, then she will? Complete assvice, I know. Feel free to ignore it.

  3. Amy Says:

    I’m sure you must have your reasons, but why don’t you just tell them?

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