Eeek… Aargh… Ughh…

So, I am offically starting to freak out/worry/come up with a million dire scenarios about tomorrow.

Oh yes, it is HSC time.

Not only is it just the HSC but also this marathon appointment, where I have a nurse consult, a baseline ultrasound, a meeting with the finance gal and whatever else my itinerary says. Yes, they e-mailed me an itinerary for the day. I am expected to be there from 11:30 am to 3 p.m. Crazy much?

I am now starting to worry, aside from the fact that I have to go fill an antibiotics prescription today because I could get an infection from what they do tomorrow, but about the actual looking at my insides. What if they find something, anything in there that says I am not able to have babies?

I mean, I assume that because I had good numbers on my day 3* stuff nothing seemed alarming to them about my mommy potential, however, the worrywort in me keeps nagging, “What if? What if? What if?” I know it is because we’ve had such horrible, awful luck with everything from the genetic testing to my naughty cervix that I am just waiting for them to tell me tomorrow that my tubes aren’t connected or I’ve got an abnormal ute or something that says I can’t babies.

I know I should be a crackhead and the daddy wannabe should be an alcoholic and we’d totally have normal, healthy kids but, you know, considering I can’t remember the difference between crack and cocaine or if there is one, yeah, the drug life isn’t for me.

Being a mama though seems to be the end-all, be-all for me. And I’d just like the chance to have one of our own genetic material. If that can’t happen, I guess I will come to that bridge when we cross it. But the fear of tomorrow and them saying that could be a possibility scares the bejeezus out of me.

Eeek, aargh, ughh. I feel like I am going to throw up! But if any of you have any suggestions for questions I should ask the RE tomorrow that I am not thinking of, please let me know. Assvice is appreciated.

*In case I haven’t revealed my numbers (I can’t remember and I don’t have my file with me at work to remember exactly…) my FSH was a 5, my AMH was like a 2.2 and the LH or estradiol was 30.


2 Responses to “Eeek… Aargh… Ughh…”

  1. Mary Ellen Says:

    Your numbers look fine my dear and you are going to be fine. I hope that your appointment goes well today and I can’t wait to read all about it. xx

  2. michelle Says:

    Excited to hear!

    Tagged you over at my blog.

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