The calm before the baby shower

Suddenly, Sunday has creeped up on me.

I think with all my spazing about my various doctor appointments to making tissue paper flower favors a la Martha Stewart to doing every imaginable home improvement project, I haven’t really thought about Sunday.

I mean, I have thought about all the logistics about the baby shower. Getting the food, the decor, buying 20 onesies so we can decorate them (my BFF, a preschool teacher, thinks we need “structure” to the shower as, apparently, eating, drinking and opening presents isn’t enough), etc.

But what this actually means, how this will change our relationship whether we want it to or not, I am only now fully thinking about.

I should be working on deadline right now. Instead, here I am typing. Thinking of how sad, happy and jealous I am of my BFF. Furthermore, I will have three pregnant women at my house for this shower. Hence, why I am hitting the liquor store tomorrow so I can have a bevy of flavored malt liquors and such to consume…

But really, I just wish I knew how to overcome these feelings. I am soo very happy for her. On the other hand, I am so jealous and so envious. And I think I am going to be this way till I have a baby of my own. And that is sooo terribly selfish and awful of me.

I just don’t know how to feel.

Maybe it is why I am trying so hard with this shower. To convince myself that I am totally happy and okay with the paths our lives have taken – one with no resistance and then, mine. I’m not. But I can pretend. Or learn to be okay.

Wish me luck.

I will have updates Monday on the shower. Hopefully with photos of my craziness decor and the like. Have a great weekend. Thanks for listening to my bitching, moaning and worrying. I do appreciate it!

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3 Responses to “The calm before the baby shower”

  1. Serenity Says:

    I think the guilt is the worst part of this. Please don’t beat yourself up – you’re NOT terrible. You’re suffering. And this event is a reminder of what you don’t have yet.

    Allow yourself to grieve. It’s really ok to feel sad and angry and upset. AND happy for your BFF. All at the same time.

    Hugs and the hopes that you’ll be so busy playing hostess that it won’t be as bad as you’re imagining.

  2. Matthew M. F. Miller Says:

    Honor your feelings as valid, whatever they are – the fact you recognize that you have these thoughts means you are a caring person.

    Try to have fun, and I can’t wait to hear how it goes.

  3. Coffeegrl Says:

    I think what you’re doing is wonderfully kind and generous, especially in light of your mixed feelings (which are completely normal). Wear something that makes you feel good and take care of yourself a little that day too. 🙂 Good luck!

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