Baby Quest

If I didn’t feel enough like a failure as a woman unable to conceive a healthy child naturally, I just had to read this article on MSNBC this morning.

Now, I feel like a complete idiot for waiting until age 30 to first attempt our foray into parenthood. Thanks Jacqueline Stenson, managing editor.

This piece apparently is part of a more-than-month-long special report on the quest for baby with topics on title alone that do interest me – Baby-making at a crossroads; Two-for-one isn’t a baby bargain; Will science render men unnecessary?; and Calling it quits or never giving up.

Yet the tone of today’s article made me feel like I’ve already given up my chance at mommyhood and makes me question reading additional pieces going forward. After all, complacency is a reason that a lot of women are delaying baby making. Ouch!

Now, I get that the article is trying to help women realize that their “biological clocks” will tick for only so long but making me feel like shit for waiting until I actually found my husband, well I guess I should have foregone that whole going to college and grad school thing so I could have had a 22-year-old uterus popping out babies with some random before I got complacent and believed all the media hype about the real rarity of a 40-year-old giving birth to her own babies…

Some of my favorite passages include:

Ironically, fertility treatments — their success and widespread availability over the last decade — seem to have lulled women like Laurent, and even their partners, into complacency. Many people know somebody who’s been on fertility drugs or undergone in vitro fertilization (IVF). Or they’ve heard about women having babies later in life, so they figure, what’s the rush?

But plenty of women who wait too long to take a “pregnant pause” from their careers — and all-around business as usual — aren’t so lucky.

Madsen says she’s hopeful that more couples — and companies — are learning about the biological limits on fertility. “I think there is more awareness today of the need for women to take the pregnant pause in their careers and have their kids,” she says.

Another factor that experts worry will fuel complacency is egg-freezing, one of the most recent fertility developments. It promises to let women bank their eggs for use years down the line. While the technology is encouraging, it’s still in its infancy and offers no guarantees. Still, fertility experts say, more and more women are pursuing it in a trend that could lead to more broken dreams of a family.

Of course, complacency can be worsened by ignorance. Many women still don’t know even the basic facts about their fertility, Madsen says, such as when their fertility declines and what they can do to help preserve it.

Maybe it is just me feeling already sensitive about not being a “natural mother,” yet I wish they could have painted fertility treatments as not something only 50-year-old desperate mama wannabes go through but also what young, healthy women are enduring for myriad reasons – complacency not being one of them.

Maybe these future articles in the series will touch upon what my perspective on the whole fertility thing is, or maybe not. I feel enough like a leper in having to explain why we are going through IVF and PGD but to have some mainstream media article seemingly placing the blame on women waiting until 30 and then, gasp!, having to go through some sort of fertility assistance doesn’t offer any real insight to what it is like to be a woman going through such treatments.

And then, why is it all about women? Don’t men have some role in all this, or wait, science is going to render them unnecessary later in this series… Grr…

I guess I should just take a pregnant pause to figure it all out.

 **So I just read Melissa’s take on this series on her blog, where she has a totally different take on things. Or, shall we say, a totally positive look on it. Maybe I am super negative but she makes a great point that it is never a bad thing for a woman to know how her body works.**


3 Responses to “Baby Quest”

  1. Mary Ellen Says:

    Yeah age is just one factor. Yet it seems to be the one that the media likes to focus on.

  2. Melissa Says:

    It is funny to see two different perspectives on the same thing. Although, to be honest, I don’t have that particular sensitivity to age-related stuff since we started pretty young. I could totally see how it could be frustrating to read that!

  3. Michelle Says:

    Hmm, “complacency” is a pretty interesting word to describe waiting until you’ve found the right person and are both ready to become parents!

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