Our First Time

I find it incredibly odd that in a week’s time, we will actually be trying to have a baby.

In one week, I become a lady of the needle, well-versed (I hope) in painlessly injecting myself with a slew of drugs to get us to that ultimate goal of parenthood. Forget the fact I’m a little freaked about the whole injection scenario that will unfold on a daily basis in my bathroom, which I have to clean to a spotless shine as I figure I’m paying thousands of dollars for this privilege, I might as well do it in a super nice environment.

But more so, it seems so surreal to me that our first time EVER trying to conceive will be through IVF. We’ve never had the ups and downs of the DIY version. It always was understood we’d do IVF with PGD. So, here we are on the cusp of trying and I’m so scared. I’ve never had to have the feeling of hope or despair wondering how many lines would appear on that stick. And, now, here we are. Filling prescriptions for Lupron, Gonal-F and everything else. The chance for a pregnancy, the chance for an empty womb.

I don’t feel ready. Like I don’t have the prerequisite courses for my advanced IVF degree. I am used to waiting on end, not the disappointment of a negative pregnancy test. Not trying again and again.  It amazes and humbles me how strong each of you in the IF world are to go through this every cycle. To offer encouraging words and sentiments while all the time struggling yourselves to reach the ultimate goal.

I feel overwhelmed and excited. Nervous and hopeful. Fearful and anxious.

I guess there is no time like the present to lose my IVF virginity right? Eek.


One Response to “Our First Time”

  1. Mary Ellen Says:

    Good luck with this cycle!! I am so excited for you. Hopefully you will have nothing but good news at the end of this cycle. Hugs.

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