Trigger shy

Practice is supposed to make perfect.

However, in the case of my husband, it’s practice makes absolute fear.

During our practice injection session, I timidly poked and flicked and filled the sample skin circle thingy with a variety of pseudo drugs. When it came his time for the trigger shot, he proudly flicked the air out of the needle, rubbed the alcohol on the injection site and then proceeded to bend the needle in the sample skin circle thingy.

The nurse suggested it was because it was full of water it bent.

My husband isn’t convinced.

He wants someone, anyone else but him to do it. He thinks he will hurt me, he thinks it will break in me, he doesn’t want to see me in pain.

And all I can think of how much pain he has been through in his life. Never once, since his first broken bone at 18 months, did he cry when he broke a bone. Or so goes the legend he and his family tell about the 18 major broken bones he’s endured (fingers and toes don’t count).

Whether or not he did or didn’t cry isn’t the point. Here is this man who has endured so much physical pain, far worse than an IM needle, and he’s actually worried about hurting me. 

Throughout this whole IVF process, I’ve worried about hurting him emotionally. Like saying somehow our decision to opt for IVF with PGD was saying I didn’t want another person like him, with his disease. My husband is who he is because of all his life experiences, including that of OI. He has never said that this reproductive route was devaluing who he was as a person but a way for our children to never having to experience the pain he did as a child. I need to remember that.

We are proactively choosing a better future for our children.

So if he’s a little trigger shy about hurting me physically, I should understand that and be thankful for it. At least, until I have a needle stuck in my ass.

As for when that trigger shot will come, good question! 

The docs thought my Estradiol was high at 3,714 today. They want it “to settle down a little.” This equates to Lup.ron and Dex tonight yet no F tonight or Meno.pur in the morning, another ultrasound and blood draw and then… possibly a trigger tomorrow night for retrieval Sunday. Is it ok I am a little disappointed? Or worried the big “C” word could be looming?


3 Responses to “Trigger shy”

  1. Amy R Says:

    You are so golden Jen; I seriously doubt canceling will happen. Am hoping you get a more concrete report tomorrow!

  2. Rebekah Says:

    I imagined how difficult it would be for me to give a shot to someone else, though after the first injection giving them to myself was no big deal. My husband seemed to just want to get it over with so he didn’t overthink it. He practiced a couple of times with the needle I’d used to mix the med and an orange (what the pros use!); maybe that would give your husband a little more confidence?

    Good luck. 🙂

  3. Frank N. Beans Says:

    I am nervous about the shots too! Bending the needle would freak me out. My problem is the whole depth thing. How far is the needle supposed to go? I tell Mrs. Beans that she will be a better judge of this, but I am just scarred.

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