Empty Inside

I have no words right now.

No heartbeat, no sac.

Just a cyst or a mass near my ovary.

Another beta run. A check on estrogen and progesterone.

Now I wait for the doctor’s call on where we go.

Why, why couldn’t it just have been a negative? Not this crazy beta hell.

All I want to be is a mother.

Not a fatalist convinced her body is a failure, her uterus is broken, her dreams shattered.

So I wait. Again. Some more.

Hope is such a double-edged sword.

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11 Responses to “Empty Inside”

  1. maryellenandsteve Says:

    I am so so sorry. I know how much it hurts. Please know that I am thinking of you. Email me if you need. Hugs.

  2. singletracey Says:

    I am sorry…. I will pray you find some peace in your heart this weekend. xoxoxo

  3. somewhatordinary Says:

    I’m so sorry! I will be thinking of you and sending lots of good wishes your way.

  4. Alexa Says:

    There are no words for how hard this is. I am so sorry, and hope you get some resolution soon.

  5. Serenity Says:

    I am so sorry, hon.

    Thinking of you –

    xxxxxxx

  6. christina Says:

    ohthat’sawful.just awful.

  7. Road Blocks and Roller Coasters Says:

    I am so, so sorry. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I was praying that all would work out. I’ll be thinking of you this weekend.

  8. Pamala Says:

    I’m so sorry and it does suck that it couldn’t have just been one or another instead of all this unknown.

  9. Amy R Says:

    I’m just so sorry 😦

  10. SJ Says:

    Don’t have any wise words to add, but just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you. I’ve enjoyed your blog for a while, and reading about your journey helps me a lot through the tough spots. Please take care of yourself.

  11. Lady In Waiting Says:

    That’s absolutely horrible.

    My thoughts are with you!

    XOXO

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