It’s a little thing fertiles call hope

Without fail, I manage to cry at nearly every meeting with my doctor. He has come to expect this from me, sadly.

And I didn’t disappoint. Especially, when I am asked about how I am doing emotionally. Silly doctor man. My heart and my head ache, otherwise I am ok.

But my appointment wasn’t all tears. I came out feeling better and crazily enough, filled with a little thing called hope.

As I expected, there were no physical, identifiable reasons for my ectopic. My uterus is normally shaped, there was no excess fluid, no signs of anything wonky.

The only issue was that during transfer, it was a little harder to get the catheter through my cervix. So, I am getting a laminaria, or as I like to call it, a seaweed stick up my coochie to help dilate me for ease of transfer and prevention of any cervical cramping/contractions, etc., that could have moved the embies around. 

As my doctor pointed out, there was no way for us to know this would happen and no way we could have prevented it. He mentioned that ectopic pregnancies have a higher occurrence with IVF patients (10 times more frequent than those DIY couples) and also with the transfer of more than one embryo.

He thinks it is highly unlikely it will happen again, although later my Negative Nurse said that once you have an ectopic you are more prone to one. So I’ll lean more toward the positive doctor side of things. For now at least.

As well, he assured me that I don’t need to look to a surrogate and embryo quality wasn’t an issue and wasn’t a factor in it being ectopic. It just, unfortunately, happened to me.

As for going forward, I already have a tentative protocol and calendar in place. Crazy huh?

Regular me already is on day 4 of her first post-ectopic period, which means in a little less than 28 days, when I start again, I get to start birth control pills for a FET.

Luckily, we have three frozen blasts, which already were hatching, waiting for us to wake them from their slumber.

Also during my next period, I get my lovely seaweed stick, which is supposed to actually cause an infection to help dilation for the transfer the following month.

My drugs will be limited to lu.pron, patches, progesterone and such, half of which I have left over from our fresh cycle. And I am debating as to if I will do acupuncture. I don’t know anyone who has done it in real life but I figure I might give it a shot.

And, which means if you were counting, we actually are looking for a transfer in early January.

I know, I know. Crazy.

But I am thrilled to be looking forward once more, rather than focusing on the past pain and sadness I’ve been dwelling in. I am still likely going to be bitter and barren for Halloween, but maybe without quite as much bitterness as before.

It’s nice to have a little hope now and again.



14 Responses to “It’s a little thing fertiles call hope”

  1. Becks Says:

    I am so glad this torture is finally over for you. It has seemed to go on for ever. I dont think you are mad to be thinking about going again, well if you are, so am I.

    I tried acu with my last go, I had a much better response to the drugs and got more eggs, who knows whether its down to the acu or not but I am going to start again this week.

    Good luck.

  2. Erica Says:

    I’m glad that you were able to come away from your appt with a little hope and feeling better about the possibilities in the future!

    sending hugs!

  3. Road Blocks and Roller Coasters Says:

    I’m glad everything went well at your appointment. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you that the new year will bring you much joy and happiness! 🙂

  4. meg Says:

    I am so glad you have a plan in place….it has to feel somewhat reassuring. I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this though. Sounds like your doctor is on top of it and that is also a very good thing.

    I am debating the accupuncture thing myself. I have heard nothing but positives from people that have done it… but I just don’t know what to do. I know if I am going to do it, I need to start it now!

  5. meg Says:

    p.s. I will be hear cheering you on through your next cycle!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog! I love new readers!

  6. Pamala Says:

    Well I’m glad you came out of the appointment with a plan and some hope! So I’ll be thinking of you and here’s hoping the second time around is the one that takes!

  7. christina Says:

    i am so happy to hear that bit of hope in your voice. it really is everything.

    and january will he here before you know it.

    screw negative nurse (ironically, maybe the lack of may be what makes her so negative) there is EVERY reason to believe that next time will have wonderful results.

    thinking of you.


  8. peesticksandstones Says:

    Oooh, I just want to whack Negative Nurse. Don’t these folks know they’re dealing with women during one of the rawest, shakiest, most frightened times of their lives?

    This mean lady at the billing counter actually made me cry a couple days ago after my blood test. Don’t they teach people to be a little sensitive when they’re working in an IF clinic?

    Anyway, congrats on getting next steps in place. I love the way you write about your frozen embryos. Very poetic! And the seaweed. Sending you lots of fertile-mermaid wishes, and hoping these next few weeks are peaceful.

  9. Frank N. Beans Says:

    Ugh! Tell negative nurse to F off! Good luck with the FETs!

  10. maryellenandsteve Says:

    So glad that you have been able to find some hope. Hugs.

  11. millie Says:

    Hope AND a plan. Now that’s what I call a good day.

    Here’s to success in the new year.

  12. singletracey Says:

    HI YOU!! I love love love the new look!!!

  13. Kristen Says:

    Love the new header! It’s gorgeous!

    Wishing you lots of luck with the FET. I hope Negative Nurse can eat those words when you carry a live baby in your arms. XOXO

  14. Vivien Says:

    Negative nurse wants a good slap. Don’t trust a word she says.

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