Who knew seaweed could be so horribly painful?
Now, I pride myself on having a high pain tolerance. However, I can’t say that applies to my cervix. The laminaria best known as the seaweed stick up my hoo-ha – a phrase my RE absolutely LOVED – sucked.
It started with me being shown said stick, a thin green piece of seaweed with string followed by me assuming the position. My RE proceeds to tell me he is numbing the cervix with two injections and that I should feel cramping right away.
Then over the next 20 minutes I tried to keep talking to the doctor and the nurse to keep from focusing on the cramping and pain I was feeling. At the end of it, I was flushed and sweating.
The RE and nurse both said I did extremely well. Most women were at the end of the table in pain. Whatever. It hurt WAAAY more than the HSG did.
So when given the go ahead, I got myself dressed and had my hubby drive me home, where I curled up to a heating pad and tylenol.
The curled upness didn’t last.
Our 5-month-old puppy had managed to lock herself in our basement while we were out. We have a baby gate installed and, apparently, my hubby didn’t close it all the way. (It’s a fancy swinging open-type one, very posh. Ha.) So, she pushed her way down but couldn’t open it.
To amuse herself, Molly chewed up a variety of things in the basement. Including a bunch of peanut M&Ms. First, she puked on the floor. Then she climbed on the bed next to me. And then buried her head between all the pillows and puked.
I then forgot all the achiness I was feeling and called the vet and tried to recreate how many M&M’s she could have consumed – this was complete with fishing the bag out of the trash and weighing it, the amount in the bowl next to my hubby’s computer, etc.
She didn’t consume enough to reach chocolate toxicity. Just enough to throw up three times. All this crazy smelling chocolate liquid with peanuts.
But by Friday night, I had had it. And I wasn’t looking forward to Saturday’s home removal.
While the insertion was worse, removal was far more awkward.
My instructions were brief – find the gauze that was tied to the string and pull. The stick would follow. If not, call the clinic.
So I assumed the tampon insertion position Tampax diagrams when you are first trying to figure out how to put a tampon in there. Or, at least, that was my teenage self. Anyway, you know, the one foot on the toilet stance.
That wasn’t working for me, as I am not used to putting two fingers up my hoo-ha. Needless to say, I assumed the position on my bed. I couldn’t find the gauze though. I found the stick. So I pulled on it. And promised myself I wouldn’t look until it was all out.
The stick has expanded to the size of my pinky, like it was supposed to. But, OMG. Did I really need that much gauze in me? Seriously? I kind of gagged when I started thinking it looked like a mouse.
But I am thankful it is all out. Now I just hope it does its trick.
Three weeks and counting! Yay!