Archive for May, 2008

Friday. Waiting. Worrying.

May 30, 2008

I really think I just need to be knocked out during the 2ww. It would be soo much better for me.

This morning I woke up in a panic. My boobs are sore but less sore than yesterday, or so it seems.

I am trying not to panic though. Easier said than done considering tomorrow is the traditional day of implantation spotting. My doctor assured me not to worry one way or another if it does or doesn’t happen whether or not this was successful. I just can’t help but worry.

It’s happened both times before and I’ve been “pregnant.”

I just feel overwhelmed.

I so desperately want this to work. I don’t know how much more emotional hell I can go through. And I won’t even mention the money factor.


I am trying to remember to have faith, have hope and believe.

This is so hard.


Personhood on the ballot

May 29, 2008

I love Colorado. It’s a wonderful beautiful place to call home.

But I am so saddened that we will be actually voting this fall on whether personhood is achieved at the moment of conception.

Today, Colorado’s secretary of state confimed that the proposed amendment to the state constitution defining a fertilized human egg as a person has enough petition signatures to get on the November ballot.

Great. Awesome. It makes me sick.

I’ve pasted below the frequently asked questions about the amendment, via the Protect Families, Protect Choice’s Web site. It is a broad-based coalition opposing the legislation.

I just thought I would share with you all this lovely bit of news. And I’m still trying not to freak about what is or isn’t happening inside me. Eek.

Q. What does this initiative say?

A. Title: An amendment to the Colorado constitution defining the term “person” to include any human being from the moment of fertilization as “person” is used in those provisions of the Colorado constitution relating to inalienable rights, equality of justice, and due process of law.

Language of the Initiative: Section 1. Article II of the constitution of the state of Colorado is amended by the addition of a new section to read: “Section 31: Person defined. As used in sections 3, 6, and 25 of Article II of the state constitution, the terms ‘person’ or ‘persons’ shall include any human being from the moment of fertilization.”

Q. What will this initiative do?

A. This amendment would permanently alter Colorado’s constitution in a way that could jeopardize women’s health and lay the legal foundation for government interference in our personal, private medical decisions. The amendment would redefine the term “person” and grant constitutional rights from the moment of fertilization.

Q. How could this amendment jeopardize women’s health?

A. If this amendment passes, the Colorado Constitution could be used to deny medical treatment to a pregnant woman for a disease or condition – like cancer — if the treatment might harm the fetus.

This amendment also would lay a legal foundation to outlaw all abortions in Colorado, even in the earliest weeks of pregnancy, in cases of rape or incest, or when the life or health of the woman is at risk.

Colorado would have a constitutional provision that could ban several of the most effective forms of birth control – like the Pill, IUDs, the Patch and the Ring.

Q. How does this amendment allow government interference in our personal lives?

A. The wording of this amendment is unclear and open to interpretation by the courts and politicians. If passed, this amendment could establish a legal basis for the government to investigate a woman and her doctor for a miscarriage, medical care provided during high-risk pregnancies that fail, or for any action that may unintentionally harm a fetus.

This amendment also would create a legal foundation for the government to subpoena our medical records to investigate what kinds of birth control we use or to interfere with medical care for infertility.

Q. Can the governor or Colorado’s legislature repeal this if it passes?

A. No. Because this is a constitutional amendment, neither the governor nor the legislature can repeal it. Amending the Colorado Constitution should not be taken lightly.

Q. Who opposes this initiative?

A. The Protect Families Protect Choice Coalition, which opposes this ballot initiative, is a broad-based coalition comprised of health care, religious and women’s groups. Member organizations include: Colorado League of Women Voters, Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains, Interfaith Alliance of Colorado, and many others.

Q. Doesn’t this initiative just clarify language in the constitution?

A. No; this amendment sounds simple but has far-reaching implications. In fact, it’s so vaguely worded that its true effect is difficult to predict. We know, however, that there are bound to be unintended consequences. Changing the legal definition of “person” in the constitution could affect everything from birth control to stem cell research to inheritance rights.

Q. What are the sections of the constitution that are affected?

A. The affected sections are:

Article II, Section 3. Inalienable Rights. All persons, including any human beings from the moment of fertilization, have certain natural, essential and inalienable rights, among which may be reckoned the right of enjoying and defending their lives and liberties; of acquiring, possessing and protecting property; and of seeking and obtaining their safety and happiness.

Article II, Section 6. Equality of Justice. Courts of justice shall be open to every person, including any human being from the moment of fertilization, and a speedy remedy afforded for every injury to person, including any human being from the moment of fertilization, property or character; and right and justice should be administered without sale, denial or delay.

Article II, Section 25. Due Process of Law. No person, including any human being from the moment of fertilization, shall be deprived of life, liberty or property, without due process of law.

Excited, scared, nervous, worried…

May 28, 2008


I am trying not to freak out and obsess over symptoms or lack thereof. I try to remind myself that it’s early. With my two previous pregnancies I never was puking or anything at this point.

I’ve just got the sore boobs kicking, fatigue and some veins. But I’m trying not to bank too much on that. I could just be lazy and pale.

I just really REALLY want this to work. I cried twice yesterday pleading begging with God to allow us to have success this time around.  I want a family so badly. And I don’t have very good intuition with “feeling” pregnant or not this early in the game.

We’ve just been through so much. Such shitty losses. I’d like a win.

So I’m crossing my fingers and feeling up my boobs.

Please, please let this work. I want these babies.

‘There are your kiddos’

May 27, 2008

I am back in the land of the of the upright once more. Although, it’s only 10 a.m. and I am ready to go back to bed…

But you don’t care about my sleepy head.

Sunday morning we arrived at CCRM for our transfer. After getting settled, relaxing with the valium, John, the embryologist, came in to speak about the status of our embryos. All 12 were still growing on day 5, although one wasn’t looking good so it was out of the transfer game completely. Of our 11, 6 were affected, 5 weren’t. It’s the same split as last time. But it was reassuring to hear both Dr. G and John talk about how they knew we’d have good quality, etc.

I am still amazed though about the whole ICSI thing. They pick randomly (well it’s likely not randomly) which sperm to ICSI and manage to get the same affected/unaffected split. Weird huh?

Dr. G then said we had two “perfect” blasts, which meant I could only transfer those two. We had two additional ones that were good and another straggler, which they were going to wait to see if they develop further for freezing.

So they wheel in the ultrasound and I’ve filled my bladder perfectly. After three times I finally figured out that like 10 measly ounces gets me there and I won’t have to pee my pants. This is important stuff, right? Ha.

But then they bring in the big bad tv on which I can see our embryos for the first time. And that is when the ultrasound tech said, “There are your kiddos.”

It was amazing. Both my blasts were already hatching and ready to come home. At least that is what I am thinking.

During the hour-long wait, one of the nurses came in to explain restrictions, bed rest guidelines, etc. But she was wonderful. She spoke all about me being pregnant and what would happen, etc. I really loved and appreciated her positivity.

Bed rest was bed rest. Lying on my couch watching random DVRed programs and a random assortment of movies that included Nanny McPhee, Blades of Glory, The Last Mimzy and Last Vacation.

I also got word yesterday that two of our others were frozen! Yay.

So now it’s day 7. And I’m sooo impatient. And a little scatter-brained. It’s too early for really any symptoms but it hasn’t stopped me from looking at my naked body for veins (mind you, I can no longer count on my hip/pelvis ones from the blighted ovum, they never went away) or any other signs.

I’m crossing everything. Twice. Scratch that. Three times.

Ken Didn’t Deserve This

May 24, 2008


Just because Ken looks like a total douchebag, was it really reason enough for him to lose both his hands?

Apparently, Molly thought it was. We figure after she found him in a box in the basement, Ken bargained. He’d do anything, give up anything just as long as she didn’t touch the hair.

And Molly obliged.

My dog is providing such comedy as of late. I salvaged both of Ken’s hands but he is, I’m afraid, a double amputee for life…

I only hope she doesn’t get into such naughtiness while I’m on bedrest. But I’m sure she will. Speaking of which, I go in tomorrow at 9:15. And, because I live in the dark ages, I only have a desktop computer. I won’t be forcing my husband to haul it out to the couch area, so you will all have to wait on an update from me. Unless I get really bored.  Which is likely.

Wish us lots of luck. And thanks so much for hoping, believing and supporting us!