Comparing pregnancies

The end of next week can’t come soon enough. But then it can wait.

I’m scared of the ultrasound.

I got my progesterone and estrogen levels. They are above where they want them to be. But I want them waaay higher. And it’s not me comparing my numbers to all of you out there. Moreso, it’s me comparing them to my previous failures.

I know every pregnancy is different, etc. But I’d be a lot happier with a progesterone of 120. And I know its different with supps vs. IM shots. But still. I worry. I want them super crazy higher than before.

I wish I was puking.

But I’m not. I have a network of veins, sore boobs and a stuffy nose. The occassional fatigue and not much else.

I’m just scared. And I had a horrible dream I had to have a cerclage at six weeks and then Dale on Top Chef was blaming me for losing the challenge because I’m four months pregnant and lost all sense of taste. It really upset me.


I also started crying at work when I opened up my My.sp.ace to see that a friend of ours is pregnant and due in early October. My hubby said he found out the day of the blighted ovum and didn’t want to tell me then. And then he proceeded not to tell me at all. I get him trying to be sensitive but still. I can’t help feeling like a loser at this.

I just want to see a healthy baby or two next week. It’s all I ask.

This is such hell.


17 Responses to “Comparing pregnancies”

  1. Kymberli Says:

    Hang in there, honey. I can’t tell you not to worry because I know that’s next to impossible. But I’m thinking of you every step of the way and praying that next week, you’ll see that things really are going along just fine.

  2. pj Says:

    Ugh! So hard…


  3. amber Says:

    I find that my jealousy over other people’s pregnancies has not gone away. It’s better but not gone. Also that worry over the pregnancy does not go away…it gets better but never gone. Hoping everything goes well.

  4. Duck Says:

    hang in there, maybe tomorrow you will be puking? I totally get wanting to feel strongly pregnant, i would be the same way.

  5. Jennifer Says:

    Hang there. I’m sure a little vomit would be reassuring, but it is not at all indicative of a healthy pregnancy. I had no morning sickness. I’ll be over here cheering you on until the ultrasound!

  6. Spicy Sister Says:

    Oh Jen! I felt so many of the same feelings. Waiting for that first u/s is torture! I know it is that much harder for you because of all you have been through. I am crossing fingers and toes and sending so many blessings your way. Hang in there. I will be thinking of you and holding you in my heart.

  7. mrsyak Says:

    Hang in there, you can make it!!!

  8. Nancy Says:

    Dale should not have been kicked off, should he of? Grrrr. Just seeing you mention Dale got me all upset again.

    I’m all for Richard or Stephanie now. Lisa must die. I swear to god, I hate her.

    It’s on tonight, isn’t it??? OMG!!!

    Hey, about the pregnancy – I’m just sending you huge good vibes and understand you being scared. I just hope this preg is as sticky as can be and I can’t wait for your first u/s either! Man, why can’t they just get you in for it already???

  9. Lori Says:

    Jen, I know it’s hard. I don’t know the right words to say, but know I am thinking good and healthy thoughts for you and your baby.

  10. HeidiM Says:

    Hi Jen, all I can say is I have a very positive feeling about your pregnancy and I think your body is just totally grooving being pregnant.

  11. Caba Says:

    Sending out so many hugs to you! And just so you know … it wasn’t until around 6 or 7 weeks that my horrible morning sickness started… so I think I actually had 2 u/s before getting sick. So, you still have time … 😎

    Thinking of you!!

  12. Carrie Says:

    The waiting is what tortures us the most. I’m hoping you see a healthy little bean at your u/s next week.

  13. sara Says:

    Oh girl, you’re dreaming of cooking and cerclages all in one dream? No one deserves that! I’ve had my dreams of cerclages lately, but none with cooking 🙂 I am hoping that you get a great ultrasound too. I wish I could say something that would make you feel a lot better. But I know that the best thing is just a great scan soon. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!

  14. singletracey Says:

    Just thinking of ya! I have had some SERIOUS crazy dreams.. and I not preggie or on PIO! I know the wait for U/S sucks… but I am anxious right there with you and holding your hand virtually… smoochies and huggies

  15. Road Blocks and Roller Coasters Says:

    Hang in there and know that I am thinking of you! Praying for the best and for a quick weekend! HUGS!

  16. 2weeks2much Says:

    Just checking in today and waiting for an update! I hope everything is great!

  17. Nancy Says:

    you are killing me. update!

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