It’s amazing to think how long it took for us to reach parenthood and how quickly our first year as mommy and daddy went…

I still have a hard time believing O turned one on Friday. I wish time would slow down just a little, I want a little more time to drink him in. From crawling to babbling to walking every stage has been my favorite. I am sure that will continue to hold true. Or, at least, until he becomes a rotten teenager. Hee.

Everyone asked what to get him for his birthday. I wanted to say a sibling. O loves other kids. Especially kids that are his sized or bigger. It is sooo sweet but it makes me get that sinking sadness about trying to get pregnant.

And we could just go the DIY route. We could. But that’s not why we decided to go the IVF route in the first place. When we started thinking years ago, it was first a matter of seeing if we could even identify my hubby’s mutation within his DNA that causes OI. If we weren’t able to, we would have then taken the 50-50 odds and tried for a homemade baby. But they found the mutation. And we could move on to IVF with PGD and prevent our child from having the disease. And it was a success. O is healthy. He doesn’t have OI. He won’t break 18 bones like daddy.

I try to remember that. I look at the pictures of my husband in a full body cast at 18 months. I can’t imagine going through that or the pain O would endure.

I know we did the right thing. I know we are doing the right thing. But it still sucks when I think about saving up the money to do a FET with our two (only 2!) healthy embryos when other couples just hop into bed and, voila, a healthy baby. No injections, no thousands of dollars…

I shouldn’t complain. I’m blessed to have my husband and my son. But it’s human nature. Or at least my bitchy nature to covet what I don’t have. I just wish they’d come up with a way to test his sperm and we could do an IUI.  

Baby on the brain.

Is it because O is no longer that little baby? My best friend and neighbor are due in June? My co-worker starting her first shot of Lupron last night? (Yeah, my office of 7 has two of us at CCRM…) I don’t know. I’m excited and happy for them all in these various stages but I wish I could be a little closer to knowing when we can start working toward baby number two, when I could be in an actual stage.

Oh, enough bitching. I didn’t start blogging again to just be a big snatch and complain about being lucky to have the husband and baby I do. But this online world is so good at being so supportive of me, bitching or not. Thanks.


3 Responses to “One”

  1. thisinfertilelife Says:

    Oh, Jen. I don’t even know if you want support from me right now and, if not, just tell me to fuck off. I’m so sorry things are so complicated. I wish I could come up with a wad of cash for you guys. Or better yet, wave a magic wand which immediately impregnates you with a healthy embryo.

  2. docgrumbles Says:

    Having one can only make you think how great it could be with another amazing little one. Bitch away! This is the perfect spot for it!

  3. Nicole Says:

    Complain away! You are lucky and you are blessed, but you are also in a really shitty position. And your position may not suck as bad as someone else’s. but it still sucks, and you have every right to hate every second of it. My kid’s 1st birthdays were also bittersweet – it is so fun to see them grow and develop their charming little toddler personailities, but it is so hard to watch all of the baby stuff fade away. Happy Belated Birthday to O., and many, many hugs to you. I hope that you are able to add to your family sooner rather than later.

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