Archive for January, 2011

Thanks for nothing…

January 18, 2011

I was hoping for some good news today. Or maybe just a little hope.

Instead, I feel like I got a punch to the gut.

I am not quite sure where to begin.

Thanks to the number of embryos we’ve put back in (8) and the number of live births(1), Dr. G. suggests we do chromosomal screening. So we can do CCS with PGS, it is just the CCS we would do is PCR. I’ve yet to figure out all acronyms but it means we would test all 23 chromosomes for abnormalities, taking half of what they biposy for OI, the other for the CCS/PCR thing (they no longer do micro array or CGH).

Mind you, all I heard in my head was what a failure I was… He was talking about usually at day 5 we have 6 unaffected embryos but with our less-than-stellar success at pregnancy with healthy embryos that we might have 2, 1 or none to transfer doing the new testing.

Then he had to mention when we started this whole thing, who’d have thought we’d be talking chromosomal testing, we were just doing it for single-gene testing.

So at this point I am not only thinking what little odds of success he seems to be giving me but also that I am going to have to come up with $25,000 somehow to even try.

Apparently, PGD disqualifies me from EVERY clinical study. And insurance? My secondary insurance covers up to 15k . The billing gal explained to me what they can bill to insurance from the cycle. A whopping 3k.! (And I’d have to ditch my primary insurance for them to bill directly my primary…) Nothing done on the FLC side is covered. I can send it after its all said and done and out of pocket, but who knows what would be paid. So what is the point of insurance with coverage at CCRM? And we are still finishing off paying the shared-risk loan we have so getting another isn’t feasible to cover the costs…

As well, I loved them telling me that I will be grandfathered in but they don’t do single-gene testing transfers anymore. That’s right. The clinic we used to do the testing would do our transfer. If you start with CCRM now, you go to Chicago, where that lab/clinic is, for the transfer. Really? At least that is one good thing to come out of today, I don’t have to fly across the country for transfer and bed rest…

I am just speechless. I don’t know what to think or to feel.

Obviously my ranting shows that.

I was hoping to come out of there feeling positive moving forward. Now, I am left with more questions. More worries. And really not feeling that moving forward will result in the sibling we want for O.

What other option do we have though?

None. And that’s maybe what sucks the most.

 

Tissue please…

January 13, 2011

So I finally made my follow-up/what the hell/why me appointment with Dr. G today.

And I started to cry when talking to the receptionist when I said I needed a follow-up to a chemical pregnancy.

You’d think it’d be easier by now. And that all the hell I’ve gone before this would make easier. But it doesn’t.

So I am psyching myself up for Tuesday. Trying to come up with really good questions to ask. And getting all the waterworks out of the way.

I don’t know what to expect either. Before it always was try, try again, it’s just been bad luck. Now, it’s how much will this cost, is there a problem that I keep getting pregnant with bum embryos, what can we do, what should we do, why us?

Let’s hope Tuesday gives me more hope and more answers.