“How are you?”
I’m convinced it’s the most-asked question in the world. It seems wherever you go, it’s the first question asked.
It’s no different now. It’s just with people who know me, I can see their head tilt to the side and they ask in a softer, more inquisitive tone, “How are you?”
And as of late, those who know me, get the real answer.
“I’ve been better.”
I can’t remember the exact combination of answers I came up with on Saturday, when my grandma called to check in.
This grandma has never been the grandma type. Oh yes, she insists on Sunday suppers with the entire family and still gives my 30-year-old sister and I Easter presents. But she’s never seemed grandma-ish. Maybe it’s because we have a special connection, as I was her 40th birthday present, or our love of ballet and theater.
Whatever it is, she amazes me.
We talked about the how development stopped and the drugs I was on prevented me from miscarrying sooner. But, luckily, I had miscarried naturally. She responded with, “Well, you’d rather do that than have to have a D&C.”
I was dumbstruck. Maybe I don’t give my 72-year-old grandma enough credit but she’s tossing out terms like D&C. It brings a smile to my face to think of my grandma talking on the phone with me about D&Cs, while my grandpa is putzing about the house, half listening to the conversation.
I think talking about it though is helping. I mean, it still hurts. I still cry. But it’s good to hear while I may have lost a little hope, others haven’t. She said she will just have to wait a little longer to be a great grandmother.
And I guess I will just have to wait too. I don’t have any choice. I don’t like it. But it is what it is.
Soon, maybe I can answer the question of how I am with a response I want to hear, “Better.”
I dug out my steno this weekend to look over all my initial notes on the results of every test we took before we started IVF in August. I don’t know that egg quality is our problem, but I will double check next week with the doc. My FSH and estradiol were fine at 5.1 and 30, respectively. As well, I took the AMH test and my nurse, whom I quoted, said “That’s a great number.” So, right now, it’s looking like crappy luck. Also, each time we have transferred two embies, one has stuck, one hasn’t and the one that stuck was either in the wrong spot or just poopy. I’m thinking of pushing for transferring three. Maybe it will fit with everyone’s “third time’s the charm” crap.