Without fail, I manage to cry at nearly every meeting with my doctor. He has come to expect this from me, sadly.
And I didn’t disappoint. Especially, when I am asked about how I am doing emotionally. Silly doctor man. My heart and my head ache, otherwise I am ok.
But my appointment wasn’t all tears. I came out feeling better and crazily enough, filled with a little thing called hope.
As I expected, there were no physical, identifiable reasons for my ectopic. My uterus is normally shaped, there was no excess fluid, no signs of anything wonky.
The only issue was that during transfer, it was a little harder to get the catheter through my cervix. So, I am getting a laminaria, or as I like to call it, a seaweed stick up my coochie to help dilate me for ease of transfer and prevention of any cervical cramping/contractions, etc., that could have moved the embies around.
As my doctor pointed out, there was no way for us to know this would happen and no way we could have prevented it. He mentioned that ectopic pregnancies have a higher occurrence with IVF patients (10 times more frequent than those DIY couples) and also with the transfer of more than one embryo.
He thinks it is highly unlikely it will happen again, although later my Negative Nurse said that once you have an ectopic you are more prone to one. So I’ll lean more toward the positive doctor side of things. For now at least.
As well, he assured me that I don’t need to look to a surrogate and embryo quality wasn’t an issue and wasn’t a factor in it being ectopic. It just, unfortunately, happened to me.
As for going forward, I already have a tentative protocol and calendar in place. Crazy huh?
Regular me already is on day 4 of her first post-ectopic period, which means in a little less than 28 days, when I start again, I get to start birth control pills for a FET.
Luckily, we have three frozen blasts, which already were hatching, waiting for us to wake them from their slumber.
Also during my next period, I get my lovely seaweed stick, which is supposed to actually cause an infection to help dilation for the transfer the following month.
My drugs will be limited to lu.pron, patches, progesterone and such, half of which I have left over from our fresh cycle. And I am debating as to if I will do acupuncture. I don’t know anyone who has done it in real life but I figure I might give it a shot.
And, which means if you were counting, we actually are looking for a transfer in early January.
I know, I know. Crazy.
But I am thrilled to be looking forward once more, rather than focusing on the past pain and sadness I’ve been dwelling in. I am still likely going to be bitter and barren for Halloween, but maybe without quite as much bitterness as before.
It’s nice to have a little hope now and again.